Lesbian- more than just a word.
A few months ago I received an email from a woman who was upset, over a conversation that happened with a few of her friends. One of her acquaintance’s thought that a woman could not call herself a lesbian if she had not being sexually active with another woman. True, that the primary use for the word lesbian is to describe a woman sexually attracted to another woman; however, there is no indication in that same definition that you must have been sexually active with another woman to be identified as a lesbian.
I would hope that being a lesbian is more than just enjoying and taking pleasure from being sexual with a woman. The majority, often identify us in the narrowest sense of the word. However, lesbianism is not only a sexual orientation, but also a complex system supported by psychological responses, cultural values, societal expectations, and a woman’s own formulation of identity. It is this narrow and limited understanding that prevents lesbians from getting respect and consideration from the societies we belong too.
When I first come out, I was completely taken by the sexual experience and intimacy of being with another woman. I had never had sex with a woman, but had relentlessly imagined it in my mind (where I am pretty sure I wore some parts of my brain out). It was only after a few years, and my first real heartbreak that I began to learn the lesbian culture. I was exposed to music and literature, specifically written and sang in a way that meant something to me and my identity. I did not have to remove the “hims” and “his’” to make it familiar. I also enjoyed lesbian cinema, where I could visibly dissect the different aspects of a lesbian relationship- they were sadly my only role models.
It was also around that time I made friends in the lesbian community, women who I shared stories with. I enjoy all of my friendships, but my lesbian friends have a special hold on me (and not because I slept with them, because I do not sleep with my friends); because they understand the passion and craziness of loving a woman. I discovered the familiar heartaches we experience, and that there is an intricate depth among lesbian women. Unfortunately, I was also exposed to how vulnerable and alone we are. The little support there is in our society to protect us, for example, for years I was afraid of getting divorce and having my child taken away from me.
Being a lesbian became more than just who I slept with, because even as a single celibate woman I was still a lesbian. My new identity challenged me to become stronger when faced with hurdles (discrimination and homophobia), but also pushed me to embrace the beautiful and unique differences. I learned the meaning of community and the reason that standing together is more powerful than standing alone. I have had the privilege of being part of a historic time in our community, and fighting for civil rights. None of which have to do with sex, but more so what I represent.
We have enough labels (e.g. baby dyke, butch, femme), let us not discriminate any further, or with judgement force each other into social/sexual boxes. We all have our own journey in life, and for some that means living openly gay; whereas for others the choice is to live a celibate or heterosexual life- knowingly that their spirit will always be Lesbian.
Anonymous Asked:
Okay. I'm attracted to males and females, though I lean more towards females. The problem is, I can't use tampons or even masturbate because I can't stand the feel or idea of things being inside of me, but I find myself more attracted to penises than vaginas. I know I'll never be able to have sex with a man, but I don't find vaginas as appealing. I guess I'm just terribly confused with where this leaves me. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.
So your question and the details of it makes me think you are leaning towards being a lesbian. But you just aren’t completely sure yet. I’m a lesbian and I don’t really find vaginas too attractive. Just because you feel that penises are more attractive doesn’t mean you can’t be a lesbian. Vaginas aren’t meant to be cute. And most penises are altered to look better. So I mean you could have sex in the dark if you wanted and that way you don’t have to look at it. Sorry it wasn’t too much help but I still hope that helped a little.